9/25/2010

The Worst Aniversary Ever: A day of boobs

    It was an awful day, in the morning Beau called me psychotic and stupid, in the afternoon he took me to his school club meeting where he spent the whole time talking about how "nice" some other girls "boobs" were... 
    So I went to my friends house, why spend my anniversary with a man who isn't going to be kind to me? Again he told me how crazy I was, that I was victimizing myself...I tried to tell him the things he was doing were hurtful, but of course I'm always wrong. So I left.
    I made dinner with my friend (and purged.) but as I was exiting her kitchen, her drunk father came down stairs and TRIED TO KISS ME...I turned my head quickly and acted like I hadn't noticed...shortly after a drunk female followed him down the stairs and when they left, Sunny explained to me that  she was just diagnosed with breast cancer.

     After a while of having actual fun with Sunny, Beau decides I can't stay out all night and races over to pick me up, mind you I was in the middle of watching Repo the Genetic Opera (and Sunny was telling me how much I reminded her of Amber Sweet, what a compliment!) But I went and  realize the night isn't going to change..he's not going to suddenly want to make love to me or be kind to me, so I take off my clothes and head for the shower, as I passed the mirror I froze..I was horrified...I was stunned...

My right breast looked absolutely deformed. When did this happen? It looks lumpy, like it was full of walnuts..I quickly felt it and it was hard and uncomfortable..I began to panic...If this is cancer, Beau will never like my breasts again...I won't be able to take any of the jobs I've interviewed for..I won't be able to go back to school for a long time, I'll loose all my hair that I've been growing out for two years....My life could be over....everything I work so hard for wasted...

I'm horrified. I want a mammogram and a xanax.